[MODEL is dressed in a black top & bottom plus gloves and tie. She holds a cane and "mugs" for the camera.]

MODEL: Now see, this isn't bad…. [She does some more playing to the camera until DIRECTOR enters.]

DIRECTOR: So, having fun with the outfit?

M: Yep! I still don't understand this skit, though.

D: Oh, it'll all make sense in a second. Wait just a second, I need to get the rest of the props together first. [He puts a pie in each of the MODEL's hands.]

D: Now just smile big, look into the camera, and read your first line.

M: Okay…. [to camera] This skit is all about dignified comedy! [gets pied]

M: [to DIRECTOR] Which doesn't mean PIES in my face!

D: What was that again?

M: PIES in my FACE! [gets pied again]

D: Actually, the script brings up that very concern. Just keep going!

M: [to camera] In fact, for a comedienne, there's nothing LESS dignified… [gets pied] Than getting hit in the face with a whole bunch of pies. [and again]

M: Okay, that's enough! I don't deserve this!

D: Hang on! [walks up to MODEL] What's the problem?

M: This is not remotely dignified.

D: Exactly! It's ironic humor. You stand there all serious and proper, but at the same time, you're holding these pies that wind up…. [hits her with one of the pies in her hand] In your face!

M: But I'm better than this.

D: Better than Jackie Gleason?

M: Who??

D: You know… [makes MODEL pie herself with the other pie] Pow! Right in the kisser!

M: So what's next then? You spray me with a seltzer bottle??

D: Well, if you insist… [sprays MODEL with a seltzer bottle]

M: I can't believe I agreed to do this. I thought this skit was going to be sophisticated.

D: Hmmm…. Well, I guess we could try the cane again. [hands her the cane]

M: Better. [She starts mugging for the camera as before.]

D: Very nice! Now try the old "surprise" move!

M: Good call. [MODEL shimmies down to a crouch below the camera level, then jumps back up.]

M: Surprise! [gets pied] I thought we were being sophisticated!

D: We are! That was a "sophisticated" pie gag. And so was this one… [pies her again]

M: [staggering around blindly] Hang on, wait…

D: And this one…. [pies her again]

M: Stop it, stop it! Where's the respect? [tries to clean herself]

D: You know, you're right. Hey Biff, cue the applause!

[The sound of canned applause is heard. MODEL finally perks up.]

M: For me? Why, thank you! Thank you! [She takes a few bows.] I'm so happy I've earned your… [gets pied] Respect.

D: Hang on, you missed a spot. [MODEL gets "seltzered" again.]

M: Much better. [She cleans herself for a moment, and then gets pied again.] Dammit!

D: Oh, this must be comedy through repetition. [More seltzering]

M: Thank you. [And another pie] Alright! Enough with the repetition!

D: Fine. Have it your way. [Water is thrown on MODEL.]

D: Looks like we've learned a lot about dignity in comedy today!

M: HOW? All you've done is make me look ridiculous.

D: Well, that certainly wasn't our intention. Tell you what… This last bit can be as glamorous and "sophisticated" as you want it to be.

M: Finally! [MODEL begins performing for the camera with dancing, leg kicks, etc. As she does, pies fly out and hit her.]

D: In hindsight, looks like you were right. Nothing about this skit was remotely dignified.

M: [to camera] Whatever. Dignity is overrated anyway. [pies herself as scene ends]