[MODEL wears a bikini and stands alone on the set. She does various poses for the camera in slow-motion. After the last pose, the DIRECTOR enters.]

DIRECTOR: Hey, what's going on here?

MODEL: Oh, the door was open so I let myself in.

D: And the posing?

M: Well, I saw a camera over there, so I decided to go for it.

D: But there was no one operating the camera.

M: Hey, it's what I do.

D: Touché. So, are you ready to get started?

M: Sure am! And this is coming out in 2009, right?

D: Yep. Here, hold this. [hands her a pie]

M: Cool. Is this some new thing they're doing for the calendar?

D: Calendar? What calendar?

M: This is the shoot for the Hooters Swimsuit Calendar, right?

D: No… This is the SlapstickStuff shoot where we hit you with pies. The Hooters shoot is next door.

M: Whoops, sorry! I guess I'm in the wrong place then. [She begins leaving.]

D: Hang on, hang on… [thinking] What I meant to say was, this is the "warmup area" for the Hooters shoot. We film the preliminary promotional stuff here, then afterwards you shoot the calendar pics next door. Does that make sense?

M: Not really… but photographers never lie, so I guess you'll telling the truth.

D: That's the spirit! Okay, just start by reading your first line.

M: [to camera] This year, the Hooters calendar is in your face! [gets pied]

D: That was good, but no laughing next time.

M: Gotcha. This year, the Hooters calendar is in your face! [gets pied] Better?

D: Yeah, but I want to add the element of surprise. One more time.

M: This year, the Hooters calendar is… [gets pied] In your face.

D: Perfect. Let's move on to the next ridiculous metaphor.

M: And we've got some TASTY pictures…. [gets pied]

M: Actually, they promised me chocolate. [gets a chocolate pie]

D: Nice adlib. Now give me some "stagger" with this line.

M: It's gonna knock your socks off! [gets pied and "staggers" backward]

M: So don't be all wet… [gets watered] Pick up a copy today!

D: And cut! Great first take.

M: Hang on… First take? But I'm a complete mess!

D: Exactly. We're gonna go with that.

M: [to camera] Here at Hooters, we're not afraid to get down and dirty… [gets pied] And even a little silly… [gets pied] To let you have it! [gets pied]

M: Seriously. Who wrote this script?

D: Um… the guys at the head office… in… Florida, somewhere…

M: This just doesn't seem like something Hooters would endorse.

D: Don't worry… "Bob" said it was okay.

M: Who's Bob?

D: You know… "Bob." Big fat guy… Southern accent…

M: Oh, that guy! [takes pie] Well, if Bob said this was okay… [pies herself] How was that?

D: Bob says you could put more effort into it.

M: Whatever Bob wants. [pies herself again]

M: Anything else?

D: Bob also suggested the sandwich.

M: The sandwich? [gets pie sandwiched] Aha…

D: Pretty good, right?

M: Yeah… Now I just need something to wash it down with… [gets watered]

D: Looks like you're well on your way to being a Hooters calendar girl! Congrats!

M: Thanks… but I still don't know how this helps you… [gets slimed] Sell calendars.

D: Calendars? Who said anything about calendars? I just want to sell more copies of this video!

M: You're kidding.

D: Nope! Which reminds me… Don't forget the last line.

M: [to camera] SlapstickStuff. Delightfully tacky… [gets pied] Yet unrefined. [gets pied]